Very Funny... NOT!

Let's get one thing straight - I love the NBA. I mean truly love the game. I watch as many games in HD as my life allows and I have the astronomical DirecTV bill to prove it. I've witnessed 95% of all LeBron's games as a Cav and I can count the number of Laker games I've missed on one hand since moving to L.A. in 1990. I surf the tube nightly for the best games and always find at least one game in each time zone worth watching.

The Association has the world's best players competing at the highest level in the universe but the networks (ABC, ESPN, TNT) are slowly trying to kill the game because as the NBA playoffs heat up, the broadcasts cool off and the coverage gets worse and worse. And their over commercialism has been going on for years. Especially after Rupert's FOX came into existence and the Mickey Mouse led Mouseketeers bought ESPN.

Don't get me wrong, there's still some great broadcasters, announcers, color commentators, and personalities out there like Hubie Brown, Dick Stockton, Doris Burke, Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, Steven A. Smith, Charley Barkley, Bill Walton, Mike Tirico, and tons of others but more and more each season the lazy, money-grubbing, corporate networks seem to be trying to ruin the game.

The proof is in the pudding.

Try and make sense of the discombobulated out-of-sequence replays or ignore the endless mind numbing promos for their mostly unwatchable and ridiculous programs. Or just try understanding their dizzying distracting graphics, which usually have nothing to do with the action on the floor, and hardly ever make any sense.

Secretly, I think the big wig network execs hate and resent the league (just like the corporate newsies hate Obama) because the fact is sports (and now politics) are dominated by African American men and almost always beat out their pitiful mostly white counter programming in the ratings (See PGA w/o Tiger and stay tuned to the fall election).

The status quo simply can't resist the profitability of the NBA and sorry Hillary, McBush, and all you corporate newsies - ya'll nothin' but straight playa hate'n. Period.

During the regular season and early rounds of the playoffs, local broadcasters are still contractually allowed to show road games to regional audiences and their coverage of the games are actually telecast as real sporting events. The games aren't just entertaining marketing backdrops or a ploy to get more eyeballs and exposure for more lame ass crappy network programing.

TNT is the least guiltiest network but lately they've fallen into the transparent practice of making broadcasters such as the talented, cool, entertaining, and former NBA great Reggie Miller say, "Very funny," after in-game spots for TBS and TNT's line-up of buffoonerish sitcoms masked as passable comedies.

Gimme a break. Have you seen any of these shows Reggie?

Please.

As Charles Barkley says, they're "turrr-ble."

But, by far, the worst culprit is ABC. Which, by the way,stands for Anything But Color and although it's another column I must ask - Whatever happened to all the black characters on Lost? Why have they all but disappeared from the island or suddenly died? (See April Grace) And where's George Lopez? Hmmm. I wonder... But I digress.

Empty talking heads, like the daffiest corporate shill of them all, Mike Breen, act as if the game is an interruption. ABC strategically places two-bit actors in the crowd so they can be shown sitting courtside then Jeff 'Beetlejuice' Van Gundy works them into one of his off-the-wall conversations. Man, will somebody please hire Van Gundy and Doug Collins just to get them out of the booth. I'll tell ya, I'm so sick of network company men and their greedy resentful sponsors pimping out the game that I love so dearly that I'd pay damn good money just NOT to hear them blabber on about another season finale of Dancing with the Stars or the premieres of The Mole and The Bachlorette.

Who watches this crap anyway? I'll stick with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, David Letterman, Bill Moyers, Amy Goodman, Lil' Bush, and The Boondocks, thank you very much.

Another one of my big beefs about NBA coverage on ABC is their mistimed replays and overuse of strange camera angles, including the Floorcam and Skycam angles used throughout its coverage. If I wanted to see the game at some crazy angle from nosebleed seats I'd go to the game and sit in the rafters. Jeez.

The networks are so concerned about getting reaction shots of celebrities like Eva Longoria, Jack Nickolson, or David Beckham rather than actually showing us the damn game. Okay, I can sort of understand Jack, he's a Laker lifer. And Eva? Well, she is married to Tony Parker and she is pretty hot. But Becks? Aw, come on already. He can't even get the L.A. Galaxy to win two futbol matches in a row. Shouldn't he be at home practicing "bending it" with Posh Spice.

Although, I wouldn't mind seeing her up close on the Poshcam... Zing!

Oh noooo... It's like their afraid that I might actually get to see a well-timed replay of a critical play in sequence. I might be able to tell if a ref's call was legit or not. Well, maybe that's exactly what the corporations are covering up. Maybe they're hiding corrupt, bought off refs who are shaving points but we'll never really know.

They won't show us the evidence!

If they'd cover the game a little more closely and truthfully and show us then there would not be any doubt. Can you hear me Mr. Stern? And this goes for all sports commissioners. But maybe that's what they're all afraid of. Maybe we'd get to really see why Rasheed is always so damn pissed off. Maybe we'd get to see that our favorite stars really foul out in the 3rd quarter. Maybe the Patriots are a fraud. But that doesn't matter 'cause - it's time for more promos and graphics. More, more, more...

Well, Here's my simple solution. Can you say pay-per-view?

I'd do it in a heartbeat because my short time here on Earth is worth it. If I could I'd watch the Finals on C-Span like I watch my politics - unfiltered, raw, and with as few talking heads as possible, I swear, I'd do it.

But that's not a reality... yet.

For example, take the Lakers broadcast team of Joel Meyers and Stu Lantz. They are really two of the best broadcasters out there and to be honest most of the announcers aren't bad - it's the corporate goons who make the all these greedy decisions that are tarnishing the game's brilliant luster. Joel & Stu enhance the game's brilliance. They're the epitome of professional broadcasting.

They frequently have in-game conversations with celebrities and hardly miss a beat. Their pertinent replays are in sequence within the context of game flow and they work their sponsors into the mix with taste and class. There's no crazy camera angles or fish eyed wide shots during game action. The graphics are relevant, seamless, and with a touch of high tech coolness.

I'd definitely pay to hear them in a New York second rather than being force fed the three amigos on ABC.

It's a damn shame basketball loving purists have to be subjected to the above mentioned clueless networks and their over-commercialized version of the last two rounds of the playoffs. I wish we had a choice of who brings us the Finals. The networks would have to go head-to-head with each other so that WE could be the ones who determine who's the best. Just like that God awful American Idol, where the fan's vote might actually count.

But then again, we've already proven that we aren't so great at counting votes either - Watch you back, Barack;-)

The Hustle's Bottom Line Truthiness: I really do not concern myself too much about the broadcasters or their opinions. For the most part, I could really give a rat's ass about what they are saying and here it is in a nutshell - All I really want is for them to show me the damn GAME! I want to see the Finals broadcast with as much honestly, integrity, and professionalism that it is played and coached with... Period.

Thanks for reading the Hustle and remember... Give peace a chance.